100 Ways to Fall Flat
by Telturwen
Summary: A plethora of shorts consisting of 300-500 words about the Marauders during their years at school and beyond.
1. (9) Black Hole

**Disclaimer:** J.K. Rowling owns all the things. I just write this stuff.

Part of the **Year Long Scavenger Hunt** on HPFC. (#40 of the 25 pointers) _Write about romance in the most unusual way possible  
_ Also part of the **Emotions Challenge** on HPFC (emotion: loving)  
Also part of the **100 Word Prompt Challenge** on HPFC (word: strong)

* * *

 **Black Hole**

"Give it a rest, will you, Prongs?"

James thought it a bit unfair for Sirius to be so perturbed by his ramblings about Evans when he had to listen to the gory details of every play he made on every girl in the entire school.

"No," said James, defiant. "I need you to understand something, Padfood. You, too, Moony. Worm… you'll never get it, so just keep writing your essay."

An indignant _hey!_ was voiced from the couch by the fireplace. Remus looked up from his book, and Sirius situated himself across from James.

"This seems a bit unreal," he began. "I kissed her once, and I feel like I'm swirling around the edges of a black hole."

"Oh, Merlin," muttered Sirius. " _Please_ don't let Evans hear you say that."

"Why not? It's romantic."

"How do you figure, mate?"

James cocked his head to one side. "Lily is the black hole." Sirius slapped a palm to his forehead. "No, wait, let me explain! Lily has a gravitational pull that is exhausting to try to avoid. Once you reach a certain point, there's just no escaping it. She sucks in everything that's good, everything pure, and even light can't resist her. She's invisible to the naked eye, and yet her pull is so relentless that you know she's there from the things she's influenced, the way people act around her. You want so badly to get pulled in, but you know if you do you'll never get out."

It was silent in the Common Room when he had finished. Sirius was staring up at him with a weird expression on his face, Peter had his chin resting on the back of the couch, and Remus had let his book fall to the floor.

"You don't just like her, James," said Remus quietly. "You're downright _smitten_."

James' face reddened as Sirius hailed him a poet and strutted him around the Common Room, begging for spare change for the hopeless romantic.


	2. (100) Sinister Splinter

Part of the **Year Long Scavenger Hunt** on HPFC. (#41 of the 5 pointers) _[Dialogue] "Is there anything more annoying?"_

Also part of the **Emotions Challenge** on HPFC (emotion: agitated)

Also part of the **100 Word Prompt Challenge** (word: paw)

* * *

 **The Sinister Splinter**

"Oh Merlin, are you still on about that?"

James looked up from his Defense Against the Dark Arts book, right when he was in the middle of reading about some fascinating hexes. Sirius had his bare foot up on the table; his sock and shoe lay forgotten on the floor. Remus and Peter had moved over to the other side of the room... it was the smell.

"Jamsie, I can't get it!" Sirius was digging into his feet with his fingers, trying to pry out a tiny piece of wood that had lodged itself into the skin of his heel.

"It's just a splinter, Seer."

That knowledge had not stopped him from making a fool of himself in the Common Room before. He had hopped around on one foot, looking ridiculous, trying not to agitate his 'wound.' Well, now _he_ was agitated, and it didn't look like that sucker was coming out any time soon.

"Is there anything more annoying?" Sirius asked, loudly enough for the whole Common Room to hear him. "I mean, honestly…"

"People are starting to stare, Padfoot."

James wasn't sure what he'd said to cause such a reaction, but Sirius' head snapped up and his eyes were shockingly vibrant.

"Exactly, Prongs!" he said, his voice a touch overzealous. "You're exactly right! I'll be right back."

He got up from his seat, sock and shoe of his afflicted foot still forgotten on the carpet, and walked out the portrait hole. James simply shook his head and propped his book up against the side of the table. He was just getting to defensive spells when there was a loud crash somewhere beyond the portrait.

"Oh, bugger, what—"

He ran to the portrait hole and went out the other side to find two Hufflepuff students who had tripped over… a large, black dog, who was sitting next to the portrait and licking his paw, unconcerned with the pain he had caused. In order to keep up appearances, James shooed Sirius off. He noticed the Animagus limping on his right back paw as he ran down the stairs.

James helped the Hufflepuffs gather their things. "Best keep this between us," he said, giving the girl back her rucksack. "The caretaker already knows there's a stray dog roaming the castle. Who knows what'll happen to the mutt if it's captured."

The Hufflepuffs nodded slowly in agreement and went on their way.

Back in the Common Room ten minutes later, James was ready to rip Sirius' head off for being so careless. But as soon as Sirius sat down next to him at the table and started putting back on his sock, James just said, "There _is_ something more annoying."

Sirius looked up at him, eyeing him with puppy dog eyes. "I got the splinter out, though."


	3. (73) Books Ablaze

Part of the **100 Word Prompt Challenge** on HPFC (word: blaze)

Also part of the **Year Long Scavenger Hunt** on HPFC. (D19) _Write about creating or destroying a library._

* * *

 **Books Ablaze**

A single page had swept down from somewhere in the charm spell section and landed on Remus' oxford sleeve. It burned a little when he tried to brush it off, as it was on fire, but Remus dare not make a big fuss out of it in front of Professor Dumbledore.

Sirius stood to his left, James and Peter to his right. Their robes were in various states of disarray, some parts charred, some parts missing altogether. Sirius' oxford had caught fire, so he had had to discard it. Somehow, he had forgotten the tie that was still smoldering a bit on his chest.

Madam Pince was completely irate. In fact, words like "furious" and "enraged" didn't even begin to explain the state she was in. But surprisingly, she wasn't yelling at them. She was screaming Dumbledore's ear off. When her second wind had finally died down, Dumbledore turned to the boys.

"I am shocked and disappointed that this has happened. Many of the books in this library were priceless objects that Madam Pince had been collecting for over fifty years. I want you to tell me how this happened."

Dumbledore turned to Remus, specifically, as he said the last. Remus hung his head, but James' pleading eyes still bared into him.

"Professor," said Remus, "we had been in the library studying for a Transfiguration exam when a rat crawled across the floor in front of us. We didn't want Madam Pince to have to take care of it, so I told Peter to practice a Freezing Charm so we could take it outside. But—and I don't know how, Professor—somehow instead of immobilizing the rat, Peter caught it on fire. It scurried so fast through the library that the books—they just caught fire, as well. We tried _Aguamenti_ to put the fire out, but it spread very quickly and by the time Madam Pince had returned… "

Professor Dumbledore nodded once. "Where is this troublesome rat now?"

"He's probably dead, sir, or will be soon."

The headmaster eyed Sirius first, whose chest was beginning to smoke and who had a very pained grimace on his face. When he brought his gaze toward Peter, who was stomping his foot quietly trying to remove his charred shoe, and then to James, who was soaking wet and yet still managed to have a few strands of hair on fire.

"Please make your way to the hospital wing immediately, and then return to your dormitories. Accidents will happen, but ones of this magnitude… I must insist you receive a detention. You will see Professor McGonagall about it tomorrow."

"Yes, sir," they said in unison, and then walked out of the smoldering remains of the library.

"Nice one, Moony."

"Shut up, Wormtail," whispered Remus through his teeth. "I wasn't lying about the _rat_ being dead soon."


	4. (50) Dear Moony

Part of the **100 Word Prompt Challenge** (word: writer)

Also part of the **Year Long Scavenger Hunt** (C31) Write about breaking something expensive or irreplaceable

Also part of the **Emotion Challenge** (emotion: angry)

* * *

 **Dear Moony**

Remus was sitting by the fire with Peter, stone-faced and inwardly seething. James kept looking at him from his peripheral, but whenever Remus caught him, the bloke's face turned from stone-faced to livid.

See, yesterday, James had been jumping on his bed, trying to annoy Sirius to the point of violent action, when—completely accidental—he had kicked the jar on Remus' bedside table. It had fallen to the floor and shattered. Not even a Mending Charm was able to repair it.

Remus was furious, however, because the jar had been a gift from his father. It was a charmed glass jar which would glow a pale orange whenever Remus was feeling low. After the first three years of school and the many, many transformations he had had to endure, that jar had been a great comfort to Remus.

Sirius sat down next to James at the table in the Common Room. He had a grin on his face, but that wasn't an infrequent thing to see these days. Sirius was courting three different girls, all in different houses so that they wouldn't know about each other. He was ruthless.

"What're you up to, Jamesie?" he asked.

James sighed, chancing a glance at Remus. He was now ignoring him completely.

"I'm writing a letter to Moony," he said quietly, so that the intended recipient wouldn't hear.

Sirius snorted, but seeing the look on James' face must have made him remember what had happened. "How much have you got done?"

"Almost finished," said James, but Sirius had snatched the roll of parchment away before he had a chance to snatch it back. Sirius started laughing softly.

"Bloody hell, mate," said Sirius quietly. "You're really going to say, 'I'm sorry I broke your lamp thing'?"

James shrugged. "What else am I supposed to call it?"

But Sirius wasn't listening, because he had gotten to another part of the letter. "'I wouldn't have broken it if Padfoot hadn't provoked me'?!"

He wasn't quiet this time, and Remus and Peter looked up from their essays. James grabbed the parchment back from Sirius.

" _My_ letter," he said.

Sirius narrowed his eyes. "Fine. Have fun getting mauled by _two_ canines this full moon, Prongs."

James put his head in his hands as Sirius went to join the other two boys by the fire. He ripped the parchment into pieces, holding his wand to the pile of scraps and vanished them. He pulled out another piece of parchment and began writing again. _Dear Moony…_


	5. (42) Ancestry

Part of the **100 Word Prompt Challenge** on HPFC (word: errant)

Also part of the **Year Long Scavenger Hunt** on HPFC (B20) Walburga Black

Also part of the **Emotions Challenge** on HPFC (emotion: hatred)

* * *

 **Ancestry**

James had thought it would be a good idea to hang out at their parents' houses during the summer before their fourth year of Hogwarts. They were going to take turns.

Peter's parents had been gracious hosts. They had given them pumpkin juice and a good deal of goat-cheese stuffed figs. Peter's mum had been obsessed with fig dishes lately, or so Peter told them.

Remus' parents had been hospitable, as well. They had taken them to the zoo for a day, which Sirius found fairly depressing. He badly wanted to transform and talk to the wolves in their exhibit. They looked incredibly bored; he would have livened up their lives. Mr. Lupin had taken the three of them aside when they reached the reptile house and told them how happy he was that Remus had made such great friends. It was a little embarrassing, but even more so for Remus who had overheard and reddened considerably.

The Potters were, as always, the best. They were older than Remus and Peter's parents put together, but they never fed them figs or made their ears burn. Sirius was quite comfortable at their house, as he had been there multiple summers since their first year. Mrs. Potter let them alone, and Mr. Potter oft times joined in their revelry. One time, he made the mistake of challenging Sirius to a game of wizard's chess. Needless to say, the old wizard couldn't compete with the Black's habit of making violent passes. Mr. Potter's queen was knocked over and shattered in the first five minutes.

When it was time for the Marauders to visit the Ancient and Horrid House of Black, they had hit a bit of a snag. Sirius knew it wasn't going to be a good idea, and yet James had this optimistic notion that things would turn out fine.

As soon as they were inside, Walburga came sauntering up to her son. "What are you doing here?" she spat.

"I asked them over," said Sirius, grinding his teeth. He always seemed to do that when his mother was around. "You remember. I ran it past dad."

"And he agreed to this rabble?" Sirius brushed past her, motioning for the rest of them to follow. "Sirius Black, you will _not_ invite a filthy half-blood into this house without my knowledge!"

Sirius turned around without hesitation and walked back toward his mother. When he walked past Remus, his friend looked apologetic, which enraged him all the more.

"Bloody hell, woman," he said, "you _do_ know how to welcome wizards into your precious home. Maybe if you pulled your head out of your arse for five minutes—"

Walburga's hand flew up to slap him, but he caught it and threw it away.

She sniffed, incensed but collected. She smoothed out the imaginary creases in her dress. "Don't let them touch anything," she said, and with that she walked past them back into the drawing room.

When the Marauders were in Sirius' room, Peter, Remus and James all took deep breaths as if this were the only room in the Black's house that didn't reek of pureblood mania.

"Still think this was a good idea, Prongs?" asked Sirius.

James didn't answer, because he was staring at all of the Muggle posters on the walls of the room. "No wonder she hates you, Padfoot," he said. "How do you keep her off your back?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "I stay in here. There are no advantages to being a Black _and_ being in Gryffindor, James."


	6. (49) Something Wicked

Part of the **100 Word Prompt Challenge** on HPFC (word: exhale)

Also part of the **Emotions Challenge** on HPFC (emotion: hopeless)

Also part of the **Year Long Scavenger Hunt** on HPFC (E1) _Write about James Potter surviving the encounter with Lord Voldemort_

* * *

 **Something Wicked**

James Potter was not a hard man, but he could be anything when it came to saving his family. Voldemort was on his way. He couldn't explain it; he could just feel it. _Something wicked this way comes_. Such an awful cliché, but he guessed it was true in this case.

He had kissed Lily and Harry and told her to go upstairs to the nursery. He was sure he wouldn't win a fight with Voldemort, but he knew Lily would have a chance. She was so much more talented at spells than he was. Always had been.

It may have just been an inkling. A bad feeling in the pit of his stomach. But as James was standing at the base of the stairs, doubting himself, he heard the front door lock click.

Pete… he thought he had been a friend. Despite everything, he hoped that Sirius and Remus would magically Apparate to Godric's Hallow before the bastard got upstairs. But it was futile to be optimistic at a time like this.

James raised his wand hand in preparation, but he wasn't quick enough. The front door burst open and a red light flew towards him. His " _Stupefy!_ " was cut short, and he tumbled back into the stairs. Another burst of blue light sped toward him and he felt his shirt begin to dampen. He tried to look down, but he was locked in place. He assumed it was blood. He tried with all his strength to get up off the stairs, to move any inch of himself, but he couldn't. He was starting to feel the blood run down his sides; he was beginning to feel faint. One last push to move, one last look at the wizard who wanted to kill his son, before everything went black.

* * *

His eyes fluttered open and his hand instinctively went to his chest. He was still bleeding from his stomach. Harry was crying. _Thank god…_ he thought. _Harry's alive_. He tried to get up, but his wound was deep and he fell over onto the stairs again. It took him another minute to crawl up each step, using all his strength to do so.

When he got to the threshold of the nursery, he saw her. Lily was lying on the floor, her eyes open and unfocused, her mouth parted slightly.

" _No!_ " James cried. "No, no, no. No, please!"

He crawled, dragging himself across the floor, smearing blood on the carpet. He stopped when he was at her side, pleading with her to wake up. Harry was still crying, screaming now. He ran his hand through her hair and his other hand shook her shoulder gently.

"Wake up, Lily," he whispered, not able to bring himself to think of the reality.

Harry was crying. He told Lily he would be right back, and crawled over to the crib. He picked himself up off the ground, grabbing the side of the crib. He finally stood, the blood from his wound trailing down his body. He picked Harry up under the arms and held him to his chest, rocking him back and forth.

He looked down at Lily. Her face was utterly pale, white as a sheet. He exhaled. Exhaled again. And then he realized… he couldn't breathe. Voldemort was gone, Lily was dead, Harry was crying, and he couldn't breathe.

It was futile to be optimistic at a time like this.


	7. (85) Damages

**Disclaimer:** J.K. Rowling owns all the things. I just write this stuff.

Part of the **Emotions Challenge** (emotion: jealous), **Year Long Scavenger Hunt** (C32 – _Write about a sibling rivalry that has become dangerous_ ), and the **100 Word Prompt Challenge** (word: contest) on HPFC.

 **Damages**

Sirius sat seething on the train compartment bench. His friends knew him well enough to leave him alone when he was in such a state. They went about their typical banter. Remus was beginning to worry about the NEWTs. James was using a Shrinking Solution on Peter's jacket so that he wasn't able to fit even a hand into it. Peter was acting as if it wasn't bothering him, and doing a very poor job of it.

Then Peter made a very poor choice. He said Sirius' name.

"What is it, Worm?" said the angsty boy in the corner.

James and Remus made subtle motions to Peter not to continue, but Peter didn't pick up on subtlety too easily.

"What's got your pants in a knot?"

Sirius glared at him, and deftly threw the empty bottle of Shrinking Solution at his head.

"Careful with that!" said Remus. "There could have been residual potion in there."

"Don't worry, Moon. You can't shrink Peter's brain any more than it already is."

"Sirius," James said, admonishing him. Peter looked indignant. "What's gotten into you?"

Sirius didn't answer at first, but then he mumbled a barely audible, "Regulus."

The compartment was silent except for the rattle of the train tracks below.

"Don't worry about that braggart," said James. "You don't even live with him anymore, and you don't have to see the slimy Slytherin enough to get angry about him."

Sirius' mood did not lighten. "I'm not angry… I'm just… jealous, okay?"

There was a biting silence this time, and a general feeling of confusion in the air amongst them. When Sirius realized that he'd need to explain, he picked his head up.

"Don't get me wrong, I hate my parents. But it would be nice for them not to act like our lives were a contest which I've already lost just by being sorted into a different house. Everything I do makes it impossible for me to get on their good side, which would be fine if they weren't constantly doting over my little brother.

"I know I won't have to worry about it for much longer, but I just saw him on my way to the compartment, and he and I had a bit of a row."

All three friends gulped. A row with Sirius could result in anything from a Jellylegs Jinx to… well, frankly, death.

"And?" James promoted.

"He called me a blood traitor and said mum and dad never wanted to see my face again. That didn't bother me so much as when I turned my back on him and he said, 'I guess the house of lions isn't as brave as we're supposed to think.'

He can insult me, but he will never insult my house again."

Remus flinched. "What did you do, Padfoot?"

Sirius smiled evilly. "I may have used a Permanent Sticking Charm to keep his mouth shut, and locked him in the lavatory."

James, looking a little relieved, said, "He'll just use _Alohamora_ to get out."

Sirius pulled a wand, definitely not his own, out of his robes and twirling it around on his fingers said, "Not without this."

Peter smirked. "Brilliant."

Remus smacked him across the head. "I'm starting to think what Sirius said about your brain is true."


	8. (8) Before It's Gone

**Disclaimer:** J.K. Rowling owns all the things. I just write this stuff.

Part of the **Emotions Challenge** (emotion: confused), **Year Long Scavenger Hunt** (A02 – _[word] cucumber_ ), and the **100 Word Prompt Challenge** (word: lunch) on HPFC.

 **Before It's Gone**

Peter looked as if he had just gotten out of his OWL examinations. His expression was utterly perplexed, but the boy was just staring down at the Gryffindor table in front of him, wondering why on earth there was a cucumber where his lunch had just been. He looked around quickly, taking in the scene. Sirius' barking laugh was ringing throughout the Great Hall, James was smirking mischievously, and Remus was doing another one of his patented eye rolls.

Peter had literally looked away from the table for five seconds. Marlene McKinnon had walked by and her skirt had been tucked up higher than usual, so what could it hurt to look, right?

Well, it had apparently cost him a turkey leg, a heaping pile of mashed potatoes and a delicious looking cauldron cake. Instead, he was presented with this… _vegetable_. He said the word in his head like a profanity. And no one would tell him _why_.

"This isn't funny," said Peter with real anger in his tone, cuffing Sirius hard on the arm. Sirius stopped laughing to glare. "Where's my lunch?"

"Sorry, Worm," James said. "Don't know what you're talking about."

Peter's eyes narrowed.

"You know I don't like green food."

"It's much healthier for you than the shite you currently ingest."

All three friends turned to stare at Remus in complete shock. Remus held his head high in the wake of confusion.

"You didn't—?"

"Did you?"

"MOONY?" Peter finally spit out. Half the right side of the Great Hall stopped what they were doing to listen to the rest of the conversation, but there wasn't one. Remus simply picked up his Transfiguration book and began reading.

Peter glowered down at the pre-soaked pickle on his plate. Sirius and James watched him as he tried to make up his mind. He looked from Remus to the cucumber, Remus to the cucumber, James to Sirius to the cucumber.

He picked up the phallic-shaped vegetable and bit the tip.

"Oh, the things I could say right now…"

"Sirius, for Merlin's sake—"

"Don't ruin a good thing, Moony."

Peter ignored them all, trying to imagine the cucumber was a turkey leg.

It wasn't.


	9. (67) Debonair

**Disclaimer:** J.K. Rowling owns all the things. I just write this stuff.

Part of the **Emotions Challenge** (emotion: enthusiastic), **Year Long Scavenger Hunt** (A04 – _[word] mustache_ ), and the **100 Word Prompt Challenge** (word: neck) on HPFC.

 **Debonair**

There was a hush over the Gryffindor Common Room as Sirius made his way down the steps from the boy's dormitory. He didn't look any different than usual. Hair tousled and slicked back slightly, uniform hanging off his frame with the red and gold tie loose around his neck. But there was something weird about his face. James couldn't place it.

And then it hit him like a Disarming Charm. His best friend had a bloody mustache.

James' smile reached from ear to ear as Sirius made a beeline for him.

"Back to your studies," Remus said authoritatively to the whole of the Common Room. Everyone seemed to listen to Remus. It must have been the prefect in him.

Peter was making weird sounds from the sleeve of his shirt. They kind of sounded like laughter but there was also the possibility it was coughing.

Sirius smiled, the first sign that showed his genuine excitement about the situation. It had, indeed, had the intended effect on everyone.

"What do you think?" he said as an open-ended question to all of them.

"Looks great."

"Can't imagine you without it now."

"A bit much, innit?"

They all looked at Peter, who was the only one who was telling the truth, and glared viciously at him.

"A bit much, Worm?" said Sirius. "I'm going to have a grand ole time driving the professors batty when they see this. This will be the thing that drives them over the edge, the proverbial tipping point, as it were. I've done stupid stuff before, and it's a point of personal pride that I will continue to do stupid stuff, but this is just downright _distracting_. For everyone."

"And who says people will notice?" asked Peter.

Sirius gave him a withering look. "Pete, I'm Sirius Black," he said, not trying to hide his enthusiasm. "They'll notice."

Peter smirked. "I don't think you're half as popular as you think you are, Padfoot. In fact, I'm doubting this scheme will work at all. You're going to be very disappointed in the end."

Sirius' excitement turned quickly. He grabbed for Peter's neck when James' and Remus' hands were suddenly tearing his away. Peter grasped his fingers around his throat for extra protection. The whole ordeal drew the gazes of every Gryffindor in the Common Room.

Trying and failing to calm his best mate down, James said, "Well, so much for thinking mustaches make you charming."


	10. (70) Best Detention Ever

**Disclaimer:** J.K. Rowling owns all the things. I just write this stuff.

Part of the **Emotions Challenge** (emotion: fascinated), **Year Long Scavenger Hunt** (A03 – _[word] yeti_ ), and the **100 Word Prompt Challenge** (word: reading) on HPFC.

 **Best Detention Ever**

A barely audible sigh escaped Sirius' throat as they helped Madam Pince organize the plethora of books she had just acquired from the school's reserved funds after the Marauders had, essentially, brought down the library in flames. She was humming a jaunty tune, undoubtedly because in addition to her replacing all the once-pristine volumes the library had accumulated she was able to purchase entirely new and updated versions of every book. So, Sirius' sigh went unreprimanded.

Remus and Peter were dutifully organizing the new volumes in order of genre and author. James was fiddling with the pages of a book that looked as though it were a journal. The only word of the title on the front cover that Sirius could see was something about 'Beasts.' He tossed the book about Ordinary Wizarding Habits of Northern America to the edge of the table and grabbed James' book out of his hands.

"Hey!" James whispered fiercely.

Sirius ignored him. The book's full title was _Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them_. Now, _that_ was a book Sirius could sink his teeth into, and that was saying something—considering the number of books he had read fully and not just skimmed through in his entire life amounted to about five.

He thumbed through the book's pages, fighting off James' clawing hands, and landed on a picture that caught his eye. A photograph of a yeti—an actual abominable snowman—that seemed to be about to charge the photographer. Sirius read over the information on the page in awe:

 _Yetis are classified by the Ministry of Magic as XXXX, meaning they are dangerous and require special knowledge in their handling. The yeti also goes by the name sasquatch or abominable snowman. They have been an incredible nuisance to the Tibetan community of wizards, seeing as the yeti has been sighted so often by Muggles. These breaches of Clause 73 of the International Statue of Wizarding Secrecy have caused an International Task Force to be stationed in areas that yetis often inhabit to obliviate any Muggles who have seen a yeti. They are a creature that is endangered in the Americas and Europe, but their population in Tibet is still staggering._

He looked up suddenly to an irate-looking Madam Pince. Her hands on her hips, she was making some kind of clucking noise with her tongue.

"You are supposed to be _sorting_ the inventory, Mr. Black, not _reading_ it."

Sirius smiled easily. "I never thought I'd hear a librarian tell a student it's bad to read."

"I did not—" But the damage was done. Madam Pince stalked off to her desk and sat her chair grumpily.

James whacked Sirius on the arm.

"Ow."

"You're going to get us another detention, and I'm sick of smelling books and keeping records for four hours at a time. Now give me back that book."

"Sure," Sirius whispered. "So long as you promise to go to Tibet with me."

James raised his eyebrow slowly, but didn't question him. They were making plans to steal a Portkey before detention was over.


	11. (69) Innocent Jests

Part of the **100 Word Prompt Challenge** (word: night), the **Emotions Challenge** (emotion: annoyed), and the **Year Long Scavenger Hunt** ([A01] word: stale _)_ on HPFC.

* * *

 **Innocent Jests**

"What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog?"

Peter had been reading a corny joke book he had bought at Zonko's Joke Shop all night long. The jokes consisted of questions and answers, so Peter would ask the questions and expect answers from his friends. After the tenth joke, Remus, James and Sirius were too annoyed to continue the game. Improvising, Peter quickly adopted a way of answering the jokes himself by inverting or rearranging the answers so that they fit into the question. In this way, he didn't need his friends to expel his laughter for the entire Common Room to hear. However, even the first years studying in the corner by the window now thought the jokes were getting a bit stale.

When no one answered him, he adopted his ingenious method. "When a ghost gets lost in the fog," he said, with a little chuckle, "he is _mist_."

Sirius' audible sigh bought him a shove from James. They liked Peter, to an extent. Sirius was getting to the point where he would gladly have thrown the boy down the stairs of the boy's dormitory if it meant that the jokes would stop.

"A vampire is a good monster to take out for dinner because he'll eat _necks_ to nothing."

Remus' head hit the desk on the opposite side of the Common Room. Peter didn't seem to notice.

"Here's a good one," said Peter, clearly enjoying himself more than anyone else in the room. "If you want to make a werewolf laugh, make him eat a _funny bone_."

His accentuation of the quips' main puns was making James grit his teeth in agony. But, just then, Peter, with a smile on his face, read another joke from the book—something he most definitely should not have read aloud.

"Werewolves love Halloween so much because the treats turn up at the front door all night long."

Remus' head, which was currently resting on the desk's wooden surface, turned to face the couch were Peter sat reciting his jokes. Sirius' and James' breath caught. Peter made a little gasp, realizing his mistake. Despite the silence between them, the first years sat chattering happily just a few feet away. Remus picked up his head from the table, then his books and walked up the stairs.

Sirius and James exhaled loudly.

"You know, Pete," James said to a stone-still and silent Peter, "you better not trick-or-treat this year."


	12. (36) It Had to Be You

Part of the **Emotions Challenge** (emotion: insecure), the **100 Word Prompt Challenge** (word: firstborn), and the **Year Long Scavenger Hunt** ([C22] _Write about a volatile relationship between an adult and a child_ ) on HPFC.

* * *

 **It Had to Be You**

He would have thought that, after the last time the Marauders decided it was a good idea to come to his family's house, they would have… well, not. But Sirius' friends were persistent if nothing else. At the moment, calling them 'persistent' and not 'idiotic' was being generous.

It was dinner time at the Black family residence, and despite his parents being positively loathe for his friends to be there, they invited them to dine with them. This was odd, in Sirius' opinion, because they rarely invited _him_ to dinner.

Remus was seated farthest away from his parents, so that they would have no reason to complain about the 'filthy half-blood' sitting next to them. It was by the grace of Merlin that they never found out about him being a werewolf.

Peter was situated between James and Remus, and he was fidgeting so much that the table was shaking slightly from the thumping of his foot. The looks on Walburga and Orion's faces showed how much they thought of that uncouth behavior.

James was seated across from Sirius' father. James had a pleasant expression on his face, as if to taunt Orion, but the old codger was not phased in the least.

Regulus separated Walburga from Remus. He seemed in a content mood tonight, so Sirius didn't think there would be any harm in those two sitting next to one another. Remus would keep to himself, and he imagined Reg would follow suit.

Sirius sat at the end of the table, next to his father and James. Dinner was served by Kreacher, the house elf that belonged to the Black family. The soup tasted like cabbage and socks, the main course was some kind of fish that was cooked as black as the family name, and dessert was a cobbler that smelled like the sock soup and black fish mixed together.

The Marauders didn't eat very much, suffice it to say. Regulus didn't seem to be very hungry, either. Perhaps this was why he was so skinny. Sirius was just happy to know that he had a smorgasbord of Muggle food stashed in his room so that they wouldn't starve for the remainder of the night.

As all the children were getting up to leave the table, Walburga spoke. And Sirius desperately wished she hadn't.

"Your brother is doing very well in Slytherin, Sirius," she said proudly. "Are you so out of touch that you and your Gryffindor friends can't even make polite conversation with us?"

"It's not that we can't," Sirius said, moving out of the way of his father's reach. "It's just that we don't want to."

His mother's eyes narrowed, and his father's grip tightened on his chair. Regulus cast Sirius a cautionary glance.

"Honestly, Mrs. Black," James said, "we're just tired. We didn't mean to be rude."

Remus had prompted him with that response, but Remus knew better than to speak himself. This was a bloody nightmare.

"Just leave my friends out of your obsession with our sibling rivalry."

"Sirius," Orion warned, but Walburga sneered wickedly.

"There is no rivalry, Sirius," she said. "Regulus has already won."

There was a biting silence in the dining room as every wizard there held his breath, waiting for Sirius' response. Walburga looked smug. Sirius smiled back at her, lifted his plate off the table and threw it at her. She screamed as blackened fish smeared the front of her dress. Remus, Peter and James ran for it. Sirius dodged his father's grappling hands and ignored the murderous look on his face, sprinting out of the room for the front door.

Outside the house, Sirius caught up with his friends on the sidewalk.

"Padfoot, are you mad?" asked James.

"No," Sirius said, his head hanging as he caught the severe glance Remus sent him. "I'm just a little… insecure… about the whole Regulus thing."

"You're…" Remus stopped and thought. "You have no reason to be."

Sirius picked up his head, smiled mischievously and said, "Want to set a rat loose in the Ancient and Ignoble House of Black?"

They all looked at Peter, whose eyes widened. "She won't kill me, will she, your mum?"

"Not likely. She's a horrible throw, especially with the kitchen knives."

"I don't want to know how you know that," said Remus.

"I do," said James.


	13. (51) Color Me Different

Part of the **100 Word Prompt Challenge** (word: tapestry) and the **Year Long Scavenger Hunt** ([A06] word: mural) on HPFC.

* * *

 **Color Me Different**

"A _tapestry_?"

Sirius' voice carried from the boy's dormitory all the way down to the Common Room. James looked over at him, puzzled, as did Remus and Peter from their respective four-posters.

"Whassat?" asked James, sleepily rubbing his eyes.

"My mother," Sirius said with contempt, "wants us to sit for a mural so she can put it on a tapestry. Who does she think she is? The queen?"

Remus sat up in bed, looking weary. "It's not that much of a surprise, is it, Sirius? You know your mother."

"I'm kind of surprised she even wants you in it," said James, shrugging his shoulders.

Sirius contemplated this briefly. "Maybe they still think they can make a Slytherin out of me."

Peter chuckled. All three boys looked at him. He smiled. "Sirius is as much of a Slytherin as Dumbledore is a… what are those Muggles called that dress up and put makeup on, Remus?"

"Girls," Remus said with a hint of a smile.

"No, no, the ones that act foolish for no good reason."

"Girls," said James.

Peter sighed heavily.

"Clowns, Pete," Sirius said, "is the word I think you're looking for."

"Clowns! That's right."

"Did you just call Dumbledore a clown?" James asked, feigning shock and dismay.

Remus choked back a laugh. Peter just choked. Sirius rolled his eyes.

"Can we get back to the fact that I'm going to have to sit for a painting so that Walburga can stick it up on some wall and pretend she has the perfect family, and then when I least expect it she'll cut me out of the tapestry all together and three hours of my life will be utterly wasted?"

James, Remus and Peter all snorted, not trying to hold back their chortling.

"You're overreacting, mate," said James. "What would you do with those three hours anyway?"

"Attempt to get his hands up a girl's skirt, I imagine," Remus said dryly.

"Important work, that is," Sirius said in rebuttal.

"Now, are there girl clowns?"

Even Remus rolled his eyes at Peter's inability to keep up with the conversation.

Sirius whined. "I don't want to."

James smirked. "If it'll make you feel better, I'll stick my hand up a girl's skirt for you."

Remus sent him a sideways glance that read, 'Don't you dare encourage him.'

Sirius returned his smirk and upgraded it to a leer. "It would, because I'd love to see the look on Evans' face when she found out."

James' face turned a light shade of chartreuse. Remus put his head in his hand. Peter smiled as if he didn't quite know what was going on but wanted to be part of the joke. Sirius laughed so hard he split his side.


	14. (71) Comatose

Part of the **100 Word Prompt Challenge** (word: significance), the **Emotions Challenge** (emotion: proud), and the **Year Long Scavenger Hunt** ([A09] word: certificate) on HPFC.

* * *

 **Comatose**

James looked down at the piece of paper in his hand, examining it with the utmost care. "It looks real enough," he said at last, handing it back to Remus, "but it can't be."

Sirius looked over Remus' shoulder, reading the impeccable handwriting of Professor McGonagall.

 _Certificate for Outstanding Magical Achievement  
Fourth Year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry_  
 _Recipient: Mr. Remus J. Lupin_

 _With sincere congratulations,  
Deputy Headmistress, Professor Minerva McGonagall_

"Can't be right," said Peter, who had seen the certificate before James.

Sirius let loose a bark of laughter. Remus looked back at him, studying his face as if to say, 'What now?'

"Moony," said Sirius, grinning from ear to ear, "you got this award because the teachers at Hogwarts think your magic is so boring that it puts them to sleep."

Peter, James and Remus all looked at him as if he had just gone mental. Only James realized the joke and began to smile.

"Remus, mate," Sirius said, "you got the COMA award."

All the boys save Remus began to laugh hysterically, while Remus began a more thorough investigation of his award. After said investigation, he found that his friends were right. He didn't think Professor McGonagall would be privy to such an elaborate joke, so it must have been a very big mistake.

"You're just jealous," said Remus, "because you haven't gotten so much as a verbal affirmation of your wand skills."

"Oh, Merlin," James said. "Don't get Sirius started on 'wand skills'."

Sirius was about to speak when James laid a hand over his mouth. His expression fell from excited to annoyed.

"You may not be," Remus said, his chest puffed up a little, "but I'm proud of myself. Only a few people get this award, and I'm sure the title was just a blunder."

"We're proud of you, Remus," said James, who still had his hand over Sirius' mouth. "We just don't know how to show it. Pride is a sin, you know."

Remus' eyebrows fell into a frustrated expression. "You are all impossible."

Sirius finally pushed James' hand away. "At least we're not boring."


	15. (40) The Monster in Me

Part of the **100 Word Prompt Challenge** (word: chaotic), the **Emotions Challenge** (emotion: worried), and the **Year Long Scavenger Hunt** ([C24] _Write about depression_ ) on HPFC.

* * *

 **The Monster in Me**

Remus wasn't sure what to think. His whole world had been upturned and spun around like a hurricane when he'd found out about his lycanthropy. They said it was a disease. It wasn't a disease; it was part of who he was now. His mother worried about him constantly. He worried about himself, too, but the more pressing issue was that of his utter lack of motivation, his miserable attitude, and his friends thinking his depression would overtake his better judgement. Thus, Sirius, James and Peter all kept a close eye on him, at least one of them following him from class to class to make sure he didn't, you know… jump off a bridge or something.

He was overly aware of their pitying expressions, especially when—after a full moon—a teacher would hand him back a grade that was less that satisfactory. Remus prided himself on his grades. The idea that he would let them slip just because he had had a transformation a couple nights before gave his best friends all the more reason to watch his every move.

There's a certain clarity that emerges when you're on the verge of drowning. You realize there is no in between. There are those who care about you and those who don't—and that you are one of the latter. Remus was unable to see himself as anything but a nonperson. In his _Defense Against the Dark Arts_ textbook, he read the word 'werewolf' under the list of dangerous magical creatures. He was a werewolf, so wasn't he nothing more than a magical creature, deranged and terrifying?

The chaos within was a terrifying thing, even for himself to process. The only good thing about full moon nights was that his friends—the ones who cared about him the most—made it bearable to withstand the onslaught the next day. Despite his misery, despite his inability to care for himself, there were three things in this world he did care about: a stag, a dog, and a rat.


	16. (82) Raw

Part of the **100 Word Prompt Challenge** (word: raw), the **Emotions Challenge** (emotion: amused), and the **Year Long Scavenger Hunt** ([C25] _Write about being sunburned_ ) on HPFC.

* * *

 **Raw**

Sirius squinted into the sun, the light breeze blowing gently across his face. James was lying next to him, the sun beating down on them. The breeze was chilly from the wind that blew across the lake, so it was nice that the sun was so hot.

"Jamesie," said Sirius, turning to James. They both had their hands behind the backs of their heads. It was another gorgeous fall day on the grounds of Hogwarts, during another beautiful free period.

"Whassat, Padfoot?" James seemed to be tiring from the warmth of the sun.

"Do you think if we tried to talk to other animals we'd be able to? Or would they just look at us in contempt because we have apposable thumbs?"

James looked over at Sirius, smiling a crooked smile. "And maybe magical creatures would be able to talk to us more easily than regular animals. We'll only know if we try."

"Right you are, Prongs," Sirius said, dropping his head back down to the ground.

They laid on the edge of the Black Lake in silence for a while until they both fell asleep.

* * *

They didn't realize until the next day that their skin was as raw as sashimi and it hurt so much to move that they skipped their lessons in favor of lying in bed in agony.

When Remus came into the room, looking a little peeved, followed by Peter, looking a little lost, James and Sirius both moved their blankets up to cover their sunburns.

"What have you been doing all day?" asked Remus, clearly annoyed. "You missed every lesson to—what?—lay in bed all day? Did you two get drunk again?"

Peter looked perturbed. "Without me? Again?"

James made a weird sound under the blanket. Sirius was dead silent, which Remus realized was a bad sign.

"What happened to you two?"

With a grunt, Sirius moved the blanket off him and stood up. The entirety of his arms, his whole face and neck and a small portion of his chest were as red as the Gryffindor house flag. With a glance over his burns, Remus lifted his hand up to cover his mouth. His eyes shut and he was making a chortling sound.

"Oh, this is funny, is it?" Sirius was livid, and he looked it too.

James almost growled from his place on the bed. Peter chuckled, then saw Sirius' expression and quickly brought his hand to his face and began coughing.

"You two," Remus said, smiling widely, "are the biggest idiots to ever get an Outstanding OWL, ever."


	17. (55) All the World's a Stage

Part of the **100 Word Prompt Challenge** (word: circular), the **Emotions Challenge** (emotion: shy), and the **Year Long Scavenger Hunt** ([C33] _Write about a romantic stroll_ ) on HPFC.

 **All the World's a Stage**

James picked his head up from its nearly permanent position on his textbook, his favorite pillow for a good nap. Remus was sitting in the sun, soaking up the rays—which was good, because he had been looking a little pale as of late. Peter was watching the Quidditch Pitch, where the Hufflepuff team was practicing for next week's match. James balked.

"Where's Sirius?"

Remus let out a little moan. Peter smiled from ear to ear.

"How have you not noticed…?"

"Noticed what? I've been asleep, mate. Don't blame a guy for not noticing things when he's got his eyes closed and his brain turned off."

Remus sighed. A sigh and a moan? This couldn't be good.

"Your best friend is currently taking Georgia Everhart on a scroll around the grounds."

"Everhart? You mean that shy little thing, third year? What's he doing with her?"

"Apparently, he's trying to woo her."

James' hand hit his forehead.

"He's on his fourth circle of the grounds now," said Peter. "He still hasn't gotten her to loosen her tie."

"Maybe he's actually trying to be a—"

James heard a slap and turned about to see Sirius holding up his hands in a 'What did I do?' sort of way and Everhart walking away huffily. He was surprised he could hear that slap all the way across the lake.

Remus and Peter were holding their hands to their mouths, forcing themselves not to laugh. When Sirius finally made his way over toward them, James just shook his head.

"You had to go after a third year, did you?"

Sirius shrugged a little, rubbing his palm to his left cheek. "She packs a mean slap, that one."

Peter couldn't help himself. He burst out laughing. Sirius kicked him in the back and he stopped at once.

Remus calmed himself enough to say, "So what did you say this time?"

"You won't believe me if I told you."

"Try us," said James.

Sirius sighed heavily. "I quote Shakespeare." They all looked at him in utter confusion. "I probably shouldn't have picked 'All the world's a stage.'"

Remus and Peter were chortling. Peter received another kick. James stood up to flick his best friend on the forehead. "Out of all the romantic lines you could have said, you pick the one line that gives away your intentions?"

"I guess it didn't help I tried to feel up her shirt."

It was James' turn to sigh. "You will never learn, will you?"

"Not bloody likely."

They sat under the willow near the lake for a while, contemplating aloud the idea of romance and came to the conclusion that Sirius had no understanding of it whatsoever, with which Sirius vehemently agreed.


	18. (96) Casting Shadows

Part of the **100 Word Prompt Challenge** (word: sun), the **Emotions Challenge** (emotion: pessimistic), and the **Year Long Scavenger Hunt** ([C04] _Write about a sunset_ ) on HPFC.

 **Casting Shadows**

The sun was dancing on the horizon, where the Black Lake met the red sky. It was a beautiful sight, but if you were a Marauder you wouldn't exactly see the glass half full, as it were.

"This is ridiculous," said Sirius, folding his arms across his chest. "Why are we doing this again?"

"We need a little perspective," James said, pointing a thumb at the small boy standing next to him, "or so Peter says."

Remus stood silently, peering into the sun's vanishing rays and frowning.

Peter sighed loudly. "This was supposed to be an eye-opener. I know we've had a few bad weeks—"

"'A few bad weeks'?" said Sirius, rounding on his friend. "Try a few rough months."

"Exactly, which is why we need—"

"Perspective," said Remus finally. The other boys looked at him, waiting for something bad to happen. "I can see where you're coming from, Pete. It is beautiful, but let's be clear—not all beautiful things are good. A setting sun doesn't bring comfort; it's a simple kind of metaphor for an ending. If you wanted us to have perspective, you should have woken us up at five o'clock tomorrow for the sunrise. This—" he paused, holding his hand out to the sunset "—is a reminder of why these past few weeks have been so dark."

When he had finished his monologue, the sky was a pale purple, the sun was gone, and Remus walked away from them back toward the castle.

James looked at Sirius, then at Peter... "You know," he said. "I think I have an idea."

"Let me get my camera for this momentous occasion," Sirius said dryly.

James cuffed Sirius across the arm. "No, really… I think I have a way of perking Remus up."

"If it's waking him up at five o'clock tomorrow, I say let sleeping werewolves lie."

A smile started to form on James' mouth. "I have something much better planned. Sirius… Peter… have you ever heard of an animagus?"


	19. (81) Gryffindor Gits

Part of the **100 Word Prompt Challenge** (word: popcorn), the **Emotions Challenge** (emotion: calm), and the **Year Long Scavenger Hunt** ([D27] _Write about an explosion in one of the Hogwarts common rooms that injures peopl_ e) on HPFC.

* * *

 **Gryffindor Gits**

It wasn't their intention to blow it up. They had just gotten a little carried away was all. James and Sirius were in the corner of the room, taking everything in, collected. Remus was tending to the wounded. Peter was cowering by the fireplace, waiting for it all to be over.

To be fair, James and Sirius had never seen a bag of popcorn before. They were curious how a metal Muggle box could create popcorn out of these small little kernels in a vacuum-sealed bag. They had wanted to try for themselves, but they didn't have a microwave, and they were told by Remus that the things were relatively expensive in the Muggle world.

They wouldn't let that stop them. So they invented their own kind of microwave. The idea behind it was brilliant—an Engorgement Charm paired with a Blasting Curse—but the execution needed some serious work. They had contained the charms in a wooden box, which held the popcorn bag, thinking that the box would be able to contain the fire.

Ten minutes later… Remus was picking out splinters from everyone who had been stupid enough to be in the same room with his two idiot friends when they had a 'brilliant idea.' Peter had hid himself behind the couch and wasn't harmed, but there had been several first years who had just walked into the common room and found themselves in a hail of wooden projectiles.

When Remus had sent the remainder of the students off to Madam Pomfrey to be treated, he turned on his friends.

"What were you two _thinking_?" said Remus, his voice almost too quiet to ascertain.

James gave a little shrug. "I think the whole thing worked out rather well, wouldn't you say, Padfoot?"

Sirius had a calculating expression on his face. "Next time, we should use half the strength for the Blasting Curse and definitely a metal box. Yes, that's should do it."

"Do you want to kill someone?" Remus asked, completely confounded.

James and Sirius looked at him like he was mad. "Remus," said James, "what do you take us for?"

One of them used a Summoning Charm for the remainder of the pieces of the box, and the scattered popcorn pieces scattered throughout the common room and they walked up the stairs discussing the details for 'next time.'


	20. (22) PushPull

Part of the **100 Word Prompt Challenge** (word: traction), the **Emotions Challenge** (emotion: hopeful), and the **Year Long Scavenger Hunt** ([D35] _Write about a character creating a spell_ ) on HPFC.

* * *

 **Push/Pull**

Sirius was utterly ecstatic—quite literally bouncing off the walls. He had been working on it for weeks, and it was finally ready to be tested.

James sighed loudly, looking over at Remus and Peter sitting on the opposite couch. They were in Sirius' new apartment—a far cry less ostentatious than his last dwelling place, but much better than his parent's house. Least ways, it didn't have screaming portraits or House Elf heads hung on the walls.

"Do you really think you need it, Padfoot?" he asked. When he received a glare, he put up his hands in self-defense. "I'm just saying, you could just as easily use _Arresto Momentum_ for a thing like this."

"Yes, but this is far more fun. That charm may slow something down, but this one will stop it in its tracks. It'll be useful; just watch."

"This might be a tad obvious, but, Sirius, have you thought about the fact that stopping an object hurtling at a hundred kilometers an hour will—undoubtedly—kill anyone or anything on it?"

Sirius shook his head and smiled. "Oh, Remus. You misunderstand. This spells is for stopping inanimate objects, not living ones."

"Living objects, eh?" Peter chimed up. Sirius smacked up upside the head. He whined pathetically.

There had been a massive pile of burned, exploded, dilapidated and barely recognizable tennis balls in the corner of the living area. Sirius had been practicing with this new spell for quite some time, but he hadn't been able to get it right. He was certain, this time, that it would work.

"I can feel it," he said to his friends, who all looked like they were his next victims. "Just imagine, for a very tame example, you being able to stop a snowball before it hit you. Or, for those of you who doubt this spells usefulness, a bullet."

James sighed again, picking up one of the unharmed tennis balls in the pile next to the failed attempts.

"Alright, Padfoot, show us your spell."

He threw the ball at Sirius as hard as he could, but Sirius held his wand by his side and said, " _Tanto Tractu!_ "

The ball stopped about six inches from Sirius' face and dropped to the floor.

After yelling his success so the entire apartment echoed, he stopped to glare at James.

"Prongs, you could have broken my nose."

James smiled. "An improvement, no doubt. Cool spell, what'll you name it?"

"The Knockoff Charm," Sirius said, smiling widely.

"Oy," they all said in unison.


	21. (64) Whatever Works

Part of the **100 Word Prompt Challenge** (word: rescue), the **Emotions Challenge** (emotion: tense), and the **Year Long Scavenger Hunt** ([D14] _Write about an unusual weapon_ ) on HPFC.

* * *

 **Whatever Works**

She had been walking the halls by herself. There were a good deal of students around her, but once she reached the Charms corridor, she was alone. James was about to go for it, but Sirius held him back.

"Don't bother her, Prongs. Look, she's all alone. She might take it the wrong way."

Remus agreed and Peter just nodded.

James was not deterred, but before he could make his move, a few Slytherin boys came up to her. James tensed, but he couldn't hear what they were saying.

Suddenly, Lily reached for her bag and pulled out her… rat tail? She must have thought it was her wand, but she was quick to throw it at one of the Slytherin's faces. He shrieked and brushed it off his nose.

Before they could stop him, James was walking out into the hall and reaching into his bag. They all knew what he had in his bag, so Sirius, Remus and Peter ran in the opposite direction. James was determined to be the hero, though, and he didn't have anything else to use. He grabbed one of the dungbombs in his rucksack and threw it down the hall. It exploded into noxious gas, which caused the Slytherins to run for it.

Lily was covering her whole face with her hands, but James didn't need to. It was pathetic, but he was so used to that smell that it really didn't bother him anymore. Without a word, James lifted his wand and the foul fog dissipated.

She was standing over her rucksack with a rat tail to her right and her wand abandoned to her left.

"Might wanna keep this closer, Evans." James picked up her wand and handed it to her. "There are snakes everywhere," he said ominously.

Lily took the wand from him, giving him a small smile. "I suppose you want a 'thank you.'"

"It's not a requirement, but if you like."

Lily shook her head with her beautiful smile. "Why a dungbomb?"

"Why a rat tail?" asked James.

"Whatever works." She picked up her rucksack and her rat tail and started to walk away.

James yelled after her, "What about that 'thank you'?"

Lily didn't turn around, but she yelled back, "You said it wasn't required."

Making his way back down the corridor, James couldn't control his smirk.


	22. (14) Overlooking the Obvious

Part of the **Year Long Scavenger Hunt** ([D09] _Write about experimentation_ ) and the **100 Word Prompt Challenge** (word: life) on HPFC.

* * *

 **Overlooking the Obvious**

Bubbling from the cauldron was a dirty green liquid, thick and moving of its own accord. It resembled a fully-grown Bundimun.

"Did you add the lacewing flies?"

"Of course I did. You saw me do it."

"Well, did you stir it four times counter-clockwise after you added the sopophorous bean extract?"

"I'm starting to think you doubt my potion-making abilities, Prongsy."

Remus was sitting on a stool in the Potions Classroom listening to his two best friends bicker about what ingredients they should have added instead of what they had.

"I told you this was a waste of time, energy and resources," he muttered under his breath.

Sirius turned around and glared. "Pete, where are those eel eyes? We need at least three."

Peter rounded the corner coming out of the storage room. "Got 'em!" he said happily, holding up a jar of pickled eyeballs.

It was thrice times lucky that Professor Slughorn was ill with Scrofungulus. Really, the only luck was that they happened to catch the Padlux Beetle in the Forbidden Forest a week ago. They had persuaded Peter to "test it out," and when it bit him, the sickness that followed was grotesque. A pus-filled purple fungus had taken over half of his neck, so they knew what the illness was and just how special that little bug turned out to be. Since no one had ever seen the insect and Sirius had been the one that caught it, he got to name it. Naturally, he named it after himself.

They had been planning this experiment for several months and hadn't had an opportunity to occupy the Potions Classroom alone, especially when they needed access to the storage room.

"Careful, now! If we add even half an eye more than needed—"

"Prongs, stop being such a killjoy."

Sirius took the spoon of eel eyes and plopped them into the thick green bubbling liquid. Both Peter and James stepped back as he stirred clockwise six times. The bubbling died down, but when Sirius lifted the ladle out of the cauldron, only the portion he was holding remained.

He chuckled nervously and turned his head to look at James. James shrugged.

They waited a moment. A minute. Two minutes.

"It doesn't seem to have worked."

"Shut it, Moony. It just needs time to brew."

Suddenly, a high-pitched screech and a cloud of smoke came from the cauldron. Sirius and James stepped forward and Peter stepped back a couple of feet until he was next to Remus.

"It worked!"

Remus stood up and walked over to the cauldron. Peering inside, he smiled.

"Brilliant. You've brewed a Lobalug. But did either of you think about how you're going to pick it up with the venom sac?"

Sirius and James looked at each other, an expression on their faces that clearly said they hadn't.

They turned to Peter, who was laugh-coughing into the sleeve of his oxford.

"Typical," said Remus, and he walked back to the other end of the classroom and picked up his book again.

James' eyebrows drew together. "We just created life, and all you have to say is, 'Forgot something, did you?'"

Before he could continue, he heard the faucet at the other end of the room. He turned to see Sirius with a large bucket of water, barreling towards the cauldron.

"We, uh, may have forgotten something else, Prongs."

Remus smirked. He picked up his book and read, " _The_ _Lobalug… a magical creature found in the North SEA_."


End file.
